My TEDx Talk is now online.
Six weeks after the event, sooner than expected.
My darkest secret, my deepest trauma that hardly anyone knew about, is taking its first steps into the big, wide world.
Maybe you are just as curious as I am to discover the daily life of a debuting writer? I have always been inquisitive about my favourite writers' routines, dreams, doubts.
However, no one writes about that.
I decided to be that writer who does share all the bits and pieces on the bumpy road to become a Published Author.
Staring into the distance for hours on end.
Fingers poised at my Mac keyboard.
Waiting for the right words to jumpstart my brain into describing myself.
Me as a debutant,
Me as a future author.
But where do I start?
I could talk about my former business life.
About the success that was visible on the outside.
About management titles and promotions.
Because today`s society measures success by accomplishments like those.
I could mention education, universities, building a career in multinationals.
But what does that tell you about me?
About the real me?
I had lost myself, for such a long time.
I know that now.
And yet I was successful at everything.
Everything, that is, that matters in today`s world.
But how did that benefit me?
It was not bringing me the happiness I so desired.
I know that too now.
At the time I was unaware that a trauma from my youth had knocked me completely off track.
Since that day when my life changed forever, I have assumed so many roles; I had a successful business career, worked like crazy for the glory of others, went on numerous strict diets, asserted myself as a go getter, exercised intensely to achieve perfection, and was constantly running back and forth to maintain an exciting and rich social life.
In other words: a life that seemed perfect from the outside.
Until it became clear that everything that I had achieved in life was only a superficial layer, meant to hide the endless sorrow underneath with thick layers of external gratification.
My real success, my real triumph in life was not to be found in the external world I was trying to identify with.
I found it within.
The struggle was ruthless. Endless.
It was a process of trial and error, with extreme lows that I had to crawl out of, of perseverance, looking each fear deep into the eyes and no longer ignoring them, no longer looking away, ripping off each mask and ending this excruciating battle against life once and for all.
It took twenty years for this process to get started and it only really started when I began to write for the first time in my life and had this idea of giving birth to a first book about this internal struggle.
That is what makes me real.
This is the part of me that I want to share with my readers. Because I experience a world in which every individual is searching passionately for authenticity, sincerity and truth.
That is why I write.
I hope to inspire my readers with real-life stories and want to offer them glimmers of hope, refreshing insights and liberating revelations that the sun does shine behind those grey clouds of our daily burdens.